What you'll learn in this article:
- How to make an end to excuses and push yourself to get the most out of your day and night.
- The secret force of emotion you probably weren't aware of.
- The power of framing yourself with your personal I AM statement.
Real men are action takers and therefore get results
When it comes to pickup, we are the kings of making up excuses and lies to ourselves as to why we aren’t good, or why we haven’t made an approach. Confabulation is when someone does something automatically, and then makes up a detailed reason as to why they did it, but its not true at all, its made up to explain why they conformed to their actions.
Well in pickup, we do this just as soon as we experience approach anxiety:
“She probably doesn’t like me”
“I’m too tired to go talk to her”
“I didn’t shave today”
“She looks like she’s busy”
Self deception covers its own tracks.
We don’t notice that we are deceiving ourselves, then when we go back to check and there isn’t any evidence.
We feel like we actually did the right thing. We confabulate stories, we make up stories about what happened constantly. We don’t understand things unless they are in story format. We have to see all the pieces and elements in a bigger picture so that we can understand.
The story isn’t always the actual story, its just one that we make up.
We are so convinced that we are right about everything we think that our story is the right story not realizing that other people have a very different version of that story and that the truth is probably somewhere in between. Stop confabulating stories about why you got to where you are and why you aren’t successful, instead accept and say I made all those choices.
I need to look at that and inspect how I am making choices and understand why I’m making bad choices and how I can make better choices. Confabulation can make yourself a victim. Being aware makes you in control of your emotions.
Our emotions drive our actions
Just watch this example “I want that item” then we convince ourselves to buy it. It’s so perfectly woven we don’t see it happen. “I’m going to eat this burger because I’ve been good lately and I deserve this”
Secondary pay off – a benefit or a value that doesn’t seem logical.
Example, family with a child that’s over weight. The child is overweight no matter what the family does they can’t get the child to eat healthy and exercise. Psychologist says, child is getting a secondary pay off, he gets a benefit by staying heavy, more attention from the whole family. Secondary pay offs are very counter intuitive, most people can’t even force themselves to think in this way.
If you are in a situation where you don’t have the kind of success that you would like, a lot of the situation has to do with the secondary pay offs that Im getting from keeping myself at my current level.
Common secondary pay offs
- The story we get to tell to people so that people feel bad for us gets us to make excuses so we get pity.
- Not having to endure ridicule and shame and embarrassment from the people around you that you love. (if you hang out with guys into pickup, the people around you will look at you and go “that’s weird”)
What are my benefits for not going out and getting good with girls?
Staying in the comfort zone, being pain free. This is true when it comes to approach anxiety especially I didn’t approach her because she doesn’t look single Lets look at it another way, maybe you’re working out, and maybe you decide to reward yourself you’re going to have a pizza, once that thought process goes into your mind you are doing everything possible in your mind to prove to yourself that getting Pizza is the right decision.
You’ll tell yourself, well I’ve been working hard, I ‘deserve’ this.
Well in pick up when we do this, we start a spiral downward. When you are lying to yourself with these confabulated stories automatically you want to justify it with concrete evidence, and later on you don’t even feel guilty about it at all. when we nominalize (freeze processes into things) the brain can’t deal with them anymore.
The Power Of Your Personal Statement
“If you say “I am a bad with women” You identified yourself as a thing that is a certain way. And when the mind hears that it puts that into your mind and it behaves consistently with that behavior.
If you say “Until now I have acted out behaviours that have resulted in less success with women than I would like to have”.
You mind says: Ok so you’ve done certain behaviours that have resulted in this particular type of result. The mind knows that you need to change your behaviours if you want to change your results.
It’s all explain in this video right here.