What you'll learn in this article:

  • The difference between inner confidence, outer confidence & social confidence.
  • Why being confident is more important than being good looking.
  • The mindset behind core confidence.
  • The 4 pillars of inner confidence.


When it comes to being confident with women, men can be clueless as to where to begin.
In fact, confidence can be broken down into 3 main sections. Understanding them and working on them is vital to becoming more confident yourself.

How to Build Confidence

Step #1: Inner Confidence (4 Pillars)

Inner confidence is how you feel inside, it’s about your character, your personality, your inner happiness.

Typically, when you meet someone, whether they are attractive or not, there is always a secondary layer that you can kind of feel. It’s the vibe or energy they give off and it’s usually pretty easy to tell whether that person is confident with themselves or whether they are faking confidence. This can all be effected by multiple factors. If you’re happy with your job, if you’re upset about a relationship, if you have good people in your life etc. The happier your eco system is, the more likely you are to portray inner confidence.

I like to say that inner confidence depends on your wealth. By that I don’t mean monetary wealth (although that is one of them), I mean your general eco system’s wealth of which there are 4 pillars.

  • Wealth
  • Health
  • Education
  • Mental Well Being

Pillar #1: Wealth

Monetary wealth is undeniably something on most of our minds. If you aren’t worried about paying the rent at the end of the month, if you are living comfortably, you have one less thing to worry about and your confidence can start gaining traction. When it comes to this field you need to ask yourself.

Am I happy with my current financial situation?

If the answer is yes, then great! If the answer is no however, you need to sit down and see what you can do to change this. Be it via a promotion, a change in career, starting up your own company, something needs to happen for you to become happy with your current financial situation.

Pillar #2: Health

I can assure you that if you aren’t taking care of your health, your confidence will deteriorate with it.

I’m not talking about being sick, I’ve known people with cancer who are some of the most confident people I ever met! I’m talking about how you fuel and run the living machine that is your body.

If you are eating junk food, if your diet consists of high salts, high fats, processed sugars and so on, and your daily activities require little to no movement, then your confidence will greatly suffer.

To maintain your health, you’ll have to work hard at keeping a good healthy diet, and working out. The balance of these two is imperative for a good eco system.

Pillar #3: Education

You may have been led to believe that education means you have to attend an institution and spend a large sum of money to learn about a certain topic. That is only one form of it.

In the modern era, there is a plethora of resources to chose from where you can educate yourself, be it through books, articles, online courses, universities and so on. I for example can safely say that I studied and learned more by myself after graduation than I ever did in university.

This type of wealth is one that can easily be ignored but I believe to be a key component to building your eco system of inner confidence.

Pillar #4: Mental Well Being

Wealth, health & education can mean almost nothing without a healthy mental well being.

Repressing feelings and emotions, being preoccupied with negativity and cancerous thoughts can be a major set back to your mental well being. I find that meditation has helped me immensely in this field to keep a calm and peaceful mind where I am no longer controlled by thought itself. This is something that takes time to work on as you’ll have to unlearn years of bad thought and negativity that is weighing down on you and restricting you from being at peace with your inner confidence.

I believe that by working on these 4 different types of wealth anyone can secure themselves inner confidence. These 4 pillars are universal and can be achieved by any disciplined person who wishes to work towards their self improvement.

Step #2: Outer Confidence

Perhaps obvious by its title, outer confidence is more about your image and your presentation. Though looks don’t necessarily matter, the way you present yourself certainly does. Rather than throwing on the first shirt you find on your bedroom floor, going out with stubble and messy hair, you might want to consider taking a bit more time to work on your image.

Women spend hours getting ready, they try on multiple outfits, work on their hair and make up just so that they can step out of the house looking good. With that hard work, a boost in confidence is sure to follow. Unfortunately, we as men refuse to work on our image for more than a quick fix 2 minute scramble while the uber is outside to take us to the club.

To work on your image I would not only suggest to be in shape, but to do a little bit of online research to see what style you like. Celebrities pay stylists thousands of dollars to make them look good, a little tip is to research a celebrities fashion that you like, and go out to the stores in your city to buy similar clothes. Rather than spending an arm and a leg at a designer jacket, you can literally walk into H&M, Zara, Topman, or any other cheap store and buy the same outfit for much much cheaper. Just because you spent 1000$ on a shirt, doesn’t mean it looks good on you. In fact, if you spend 5$ on a shirt and it fits you better, then thats a far superior investment. Dress well but shop smart.

Step #3: Social Confidence

Having inner confidence and outer confidence but then standing around hoping someone will come and compliment you about both isn’t exactly the best way to proceed. If you go to any high end night club, that’s typically the sight you will see. Men dressed to the 9s, splurging money, in hopes that a girl will come and speak to them.

The missing link is social confidence and without it, the previous two can start collapsing (no matter how strong your pillars are). The only way to gain true core confidence is by working on your social confidence. What does this entail? Going out and socialising again and again and again. It entails failure, success, confusion, awkward moments, uncomfortable situations and a great deal of laughter, but by pushing yourself through all this you’ll learn the most valuable lesson of all. How to be truly confident with who you are. No book, no video, no article can ever teach you that. When we do the bootcamps we push you so far outside your comfort zone to be able to process years of experience in one intense weekend. With the growth of social media comes the decline of social confidence. People are being labeled with social anxiety when they haven’t been given the correct tools to make them confident in the first place.

No matter what you do, going out and talking to people is always moving you forward in this journey, there is no substitute.

[thrive_text_block color=”light” headline=”To summarize”]

  • To become confident you need to achieve inner confidence, outer confidence & social confidence.
  • Inner confidence can be built with the 4 pillars of wealth.
  • Wealth, health, education & mental well being are the 4 pillars each with it’s own way of functioning.
  • Outer confidence can be fixed by spending more time and energy working on your image.
  • Social confidence holds the other 2 together and can only be achieved by actively socialising with people.